I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
