these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
