med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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