I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
