The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
