apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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