sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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