That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
