Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
