I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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