oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
