Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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