Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
