I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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