did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
