Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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