i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
