It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
