I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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