I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
