I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
being pregnant is like rehab
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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