I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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