dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
