I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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