i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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