Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
