I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
