just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
