At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
