5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
