Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
