at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
