i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
