but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
