Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
