he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
