I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
