You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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