I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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