i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
