Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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