Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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