Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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