Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I looked at my own cervix.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
