is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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