Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
