Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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