what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
