Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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