I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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