Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
