when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
