Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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